What It Means When A Guy Doesn’t Want To Commit But He Likes You?
Question from a reader:
Hey Matt,
I am seeing a guy who I’ve been on and off with for just under a year now, he stays over every few days and we go out occasionally so I know he definitely likes me but he doesn’t want to seem to commit to a relationship and I do. I’ve asked him a couple of times what he wants to do, but I think he just wants to keep things casual.
So what should I do?
Matt’s response:
Something I really go into detail in during my events is something I like to refer to as “The Male Blueprint”. It’s essentially a mindset many men adopt between the ages of about 18-30. Through the media, TV shows and films, men have grown up to be conditioned into thinking that relationships don’t allow for any freedom, whilst being single comes with all of the adventure and crazy parties that they’ve seen on the screens.
Now of course we know this isn’t really the case, but we need to change his conditioning so he becomes more favourable to commitment. My guess would be that right now, he strolls in and out of your life, as and when he pleases. And whilst this might be hard to hear, if it is the case, you just have to accept that it’s been happening, and it’s up to you to make a change.
To do this, you need every time you see him to get better and better; you need to leave him always wanting more, and you need to demonstrate to him that if he wants to get everything he wants from you, he’s going to have to make a commitment. This isn’t ‘playing hard to get’, it’s being a high-value woman. Once this really sinks in and resonates with him, there will be nothing on his mind but you, and he’ll be craving a real commitment.
Matthew x
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Do you have a different opinion or want to add something to Matt’s answer? Leave a comment below:
Matt I am an 47 year old women back in the dating field, and I have men approach me all the time, i do know what i want and wont settle for less, however it seems this day and age because we are not virgins men want sex right away with out even getting to know you. My question to you is how to tell the guy and I have and I basically said i was interested in having sex until i am in a committed exclusive relationship then he could have it 4 times a day if he wanted LOL well i heard from the guy a couple of times but not as much interest so maybe he is just fishing? you tell me
Thanks Judy
Hi Matt … how r u? firstly i LOOOOOVE ur vdo … so useful!!! :D
I’ve been dating 1 guy for about a month.. he seems interested to me we’ve kissed and went out for dinner often.. every time i text him he’ll reply all the time … but the thing is i’m never ask him that are we in relationship … and not sure that i should ask it or not…. other reason is because we’re different culture I’m Thai and he’s Aussie … so for Asian normally we ask is we’re boyfriend&girlfriend … but somehow i have feeling about Western or Europe the word relationship sounds too commitment :P so now just say we are on dating stage … but if he’s say we’re in relationship i’ll be happy too lol
Do you have any suggestion? should I ask? or just keep on like this till the time will b an answer? and if I should ask how do i begin? I don’t want to sound too pushy :(
THank you in advance :)
xxoo
Mina
PS. Sorry if some of my eng grammar not perfect :)
Hey I Thinks this is interesting as. I like they way you exsplain things i feel like somone “UNDERSTANDS” me its cool that your do this the way it should be done love x
Hi Matt,
I was wondering where can I purchase the 3 part DVD ?
Thanks a million for your help in advance.
Rose
Hi Matt. I had a similar situation as the reader and I have to admit I didn’t handle it very well at the time. I want this guy back in my life now (its a few months later). We occasionally talk and we at the same wedding this past weekend and talked/teased. Our mutual friends tell me to forget it as he’s “messed up with relationships”. Basically he has trouble committing from what they’ve told me. I really like this guy and think he could be the one. Argh! Loving your site and videos! Wish you would do a seminar close to where I live!
LarLa
Hi Matt!
This summer I’ve been abroad for a month and I met a very special boy, we’re both 18 and I’m 90% sure he loved me. Nothing happened during the trip because of ou shyness, but we stayed all the time together. When the trip was over at first we used to talk a lot by the internet but it changed overnight. All of a sudden he stopped showing interest on me. I tried to let him know my thoughts. Moreover, we’ve promised to see each other nect summer. What’s going on? Did he stop loving me? It’s been almost two months since we haven’t talk.
I’ll be so pleased to know your opinion, it’s my last hope.
Kind of new to this but I am going crazy.. I really love this wonderful man I have known for over two years now. He expressed love to me too.. and we were in a relationship. We’re out now and most of it is my fault but this is limited so I won’t go into that. Anyway he tells me he loves me and is wonderful to me like I was still his girl only he does not see any future with us (marriage, kids etc) and it is killing me inside.. because I still see him that way. I want to walk away and let him just find true happiness somewhere else and with who he loves and wants etc…but the selfish side to me keeps staying.. what do I do? I want his love so much but I know he will not change his mind..
Hi Savannah,
I am NOT a dating expert but I can relate to your story so I thought I would drop you a message. I think it all depends on what you want. Do you want to get married and have children etc? If yes, then I think the answer is to leave this person to be. You deserve to be happy and to have all your needs fulfilled. Love is important but as I am learning (I am not quite there yet, easier said then done!!) it’s not everything. If you don’t have the same values, if you don’t want the same thing in life, it can’t possibly work. I grew up in a family that taught me that when there’s love in a relationship, everything is possible and this is why I am here today, always wondering why my relationships don’t work, expecting something from someone who just can’t give it to me. Anyways, I hope 2012 will be a new start for you :) I wish you all the best. xx